


However Impossible

by lilithiumwords



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Family, Fluff, Future Fic, Gender Dysphoria, M/M, Other, Transgender, Transgender Pregnancy, Transgender Tsukishima, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-03
Updated: 2016-11-03
Packaged: 2018-08-28 20:01:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8461102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilithiumwords/pseuds/lilithiumwords
Summary: Kei needs to talk to Shouyou, but he doesn't know where to start.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This story was requested by [@nai-nye](https://nai-nye.tumblr.com/) for her [Parents AU](http://nai-nyeartwork.tumblr.com/tagged/parents-au), a series of gorgeous art about Tsukishima and Hinata as parents of twins. (Oh, the chaos.)
> 
> Please enjoy!

_It should be impossible._

_I don't understand._

_What am I going to tell Shouyou?_

_**To: Shouyou** _  
_**Subject:** [no subject]_  
_**Message:** I need to talk to you about something. Don't take too long coming home._

The message is sent before Kei can stop himself, and he hurries out the door. He takes too long at the grocery store because he pauses in the pharmacy section and finds himself staring at prenatal vitamins. He doesn't buy them. Instead he hurries home, only to find Shouyou pacing in the hallway of their apartment.

Shouyou rushes to him as soon as he opens the door. "Kei! Are you okay? Are you sick? What's wrong?" 

Kei blinks at him. "Aren't you supposed to be in class?"

"I finished early! Is everything okay?"

Caught off-guard, Kei heaves a sigh, the anxiety in the back of his head easing a bit. Trust Shouyou to fret when there was no need.

_Is there really no need? This is serious._

He brushes off the thought and gently nudges Shouyou back. "It's alright, idiot. Come on, let's get dinner started, since you're here early."

Shouyou grabs his wrist before he takes another step, meeting his gaze steadily, a small frown telling Kei that he should listen seriously for once. "I know something's wrong. You've been distracted for days now, and I'm here to listen, Kei. Dinner can wait for a little while."

Well. There isn't anything to say to that.

At the table, Kei stares down at his tea, and Shouyou waits patiently across from him, worry shining in his eyes. Shouyou can be rather perceptive at times, which annoys Kei even on a good day, but right now he finds it comforting, that Shouyou saw that he was struggling but waited for Kei would come to him with the truth.

For all that Shouyou has always been impatient, he has never pushed Kei further than necessary. Kei has always appreciated that about him.

Finally Kei sighs and reaches into his pocket, pulling out the dreaded box. He lays each test out in chronological order, taken twelve hours apart, each showing a positive result. He leaves the box on the table and clasps his hands in his lap, staring at the two lines on the last CheckOne testing stick.

He takes a deep breath.

"I'm pregnant." 

Shouyou is absolutely silent. The minutes tick by, and Kei cannot break the emptiness between them. It presses him down, stifling him, and he worries – what if Shouyou leaves him? What if Shouyou thinks him less of a man because his ovaries still work? What if this drives them apart? He can't imagine a life without Shouyou to brighten it. He can feel the darkness encroaching, strangling him, making him remember his youth when he hated himself, hated his body, and --

It takes him a moment to notice that the darkness cast over him is an actual shadow, and he looks up to see Shouyou kneeling in his chair and leaning across the table, trying to look at his stomach. Kei stares blankly at him, until Shouyou loses balance and catches himself on the table, then gives him a sheepish grin.

"Sorry! I was trying to see if you're showing!" Shouyou hops off his chair and drags it around to sit beside Kei, reaching out and effortlessly taking his hand, his smile fading a bit but no less sweet. "How do you feel about this?"

No disgust, only concern for him, and he can see it now, the shock and worry warring in Shouyou's bright gaze, but there is love, too. His heart aches, then swells.

"I don't know how to feel," Kei says quietly, tightening his grip on Shouyou's hand. "I didn't think it was possible. I noticed because I've been nauseous for a while, and I thought it was just an illness, but... I read on a forum that there was a slight chance of this for transgender men. So I bought the test, just to make sure." Shouyou squeezes his hand, making a low noise as if to encourage him, and Kei slumps a bit. "I'm afraid, Shouyou. The forums say that you have to stop testosterone... does that mean I'll go back? I can't go back. I won't. Does this make me... less of a man?"

Shouyou reaches up to touch his cheek, and Kei starts from his anxious thoughts, looking down into his clear gaze. "No, Kei. No matter what happens, you're the man I fell in love with. This is just your body working the way it was originally designed to, and it's our fault for not being careful. It doesn't change who you are, and it doesn't mean you have to go back to that life. You're done with that now. It'll be okay."

A small smile touches Kei's lips, and he has to bow his head. "You see too easily into me."

Shouyou leans up to peck his lips, grinning at him. "That's my job as your husband. We can get through this together, you know." His gaze drops to Kei's body, and he lifts a hand, tilting his head in question. Kei nods after a moment, and Shouyou reaches down to slip his fingers beneath Kei's shirt, touching the flat planes of his stomach. "I wonder how far along you are," Shouyou murmurs, gently pressing.

Kei rolls his eyes. "Probably since the last time you put your cock in me. Idiot."

He grins when Shouyou immediately turns red. "Don't say it like that! You're so vulgar, Kei!" Shouyou pouts at him, and Kei laughs, the darkness in his heart slowly fading away beneath Shouyou's light.

"Should we keep it?" he asks after a moment, somehow dreading the answer.

Shouyou squeezes Kei's hand reassuringly, reading the distress he tries to hide. "Only if you want to. You're carrying it, after all, and I don't want you to feel dysphoric again."

Kei shrugs. He knows as well as Shouyou how bad he can get, but he also knows that he has been better, ever since he met Shouyou. "What do you think?"

Shouyou blushes a little but meets his gaze steadily. "I want a family with you... I know that. I didn't think it'd be like this, though." He tilts his head as he studies Kei. "If we do this, does that make you the dad, or the father? Hey, since I’m older, I can be Papa One!" Shouyou beams, and Kei groans and leans forward to rest his head against Shouyou's shoulder, breathing in his optimism.

"You're an idiot," he mutters, and Shouyou just laughs, wrapping his arms around Kei.

Kei remains silent for a long moment. He is not against children – he just never imagined he would have any.

He wonders what a child would look like with Shouyou's smile.

"Let's go to the doctor tomorrow," he says quietly. Shouyou hugs him tighter.

~

_Months later:_

The night they come home from the hospital, Kei gets up to use the bathroom and realizes that Shouyou is missing. The door next to their bedroom is ajar, soft light spilling out into the hallway, and Kei carefully eases it open to peer inside.

Shouyou is sitting beside the crib, his bright gaze transfixed on the treasure within. Kei goes to join him, reaching down to rest his hand on Shouyou's shoulder, smiling a bit when Shouyou's breath hitches.

Hikari doesn't stir when Kei approaches, her grip on Eiji's hand firm, and Eiji's eyelashes only flutter a little, too deeply asleep to notice them. Kei sighs at the sight of his and Shouyou's children, pride swelling in his chest. He had worried for months, and it had been hard for a time, as his body had changed, but he did not feel less of a man for it. His pregnancy hadn't been easy, especially not with twins, but Shouyou had been beside him every step of the way, never letting him fall into doubt. 

A transformation into fatherhood. Kei still doesn't believe he is this lucky. 

"They're beautiful," Shouyou whispers. Kei can only agree.

**Author's Note:**

> Don't forget to check out @nai-nye's [Parents AU](http://nai-nyeartwork.tumblr.com/tagged/parents-au)!
> 
> Also check out [my tumblr](https://amberstarfight.tumblr.com) for fandom things and ramblings. <3


End file.
